Put to the Test

My promises to myself and God have been put to the test this week.  How many times have we proudly boasted that we "put our children first no matter what".  Let me say that again...NO...MATTER...WHAT. 

 

Sure, we can say that when that means sacrificing things that are important to us--our social lives, our style, things that we want to buy.  But what about when it comes to sacrificing our comfort...what if it means sacrificing our pride?  What if it means sacrificing how much credit we get to take in being a great mom?  This is the dilemma that has faced me this week. 

 

Let me back up.  You know those REALLY intrusive mother-in-laws?  The ones that are negative toward you ALL the time, question every parenting decision you make?  The kind that is disparaging to your children and passively aggressively chastises them as a way to insult you ("you know, you really should be potty trained by now" or "you shouldn't have such items packed in your lunch"). The kind that puts themselves on a pedestal and everyone else is beneath them? You know the type right?  Well....I've got one of those, only she isn't my mother in law--she's my EX mother in law.  I don't say this about too many people...but she is what could be clearly described as "a meanie".  It would do my heart and soul no good to rehash all of the insulting and hurtful things she has said to or about me over the years, but you get the picture right?  She has nothing but contempt for me which causes me to avoid her like the plague. 

 

Well, this week she invited herself to a meeting with our son's teacher that her son(my ex) couldn't make because of work.  When she announced to me that she was coming, I cringed, I felt physically ill and then my blood boiled.  How DARE she?  As the parent with sole legal custody, I had every right to ask her not to come and I felt myself becoming indignant in my mind about this "right".  She isn't the other parent, I thought.  She can't just include herself without being invited!  How insulting that she places herself on the same level as a parent, after all, I am an EXPERT in my child.  I have spent years knowing, understanding and nurturing this little boy --I get to meet with the teacher.  I'm the mom!  IM THE MOM! 

 

I went home and fumed...then I cried...then I emailed my lawyer(because maybe I could "block" her from coming).  Then I prayed...and prayed...and PRAYED.  I felt this nagging feeling that my heart was not in the right place.  I had to ask myself some very hard questions about my motivation for not wanting her to come.  The reasons were simple: She makes ME anxious and uncomfortable.  She doesn't deserve parenting credit because it belongs to ME.  She is often rude and embarrassing and I didn't want that to reflect poorly on ME in the school, because I've made a good reputation for myself and my son.  Hmmmm...are we seeing a theme here?  Me, me, me.  Which brings me back to my original promise.  I will put my child first, NO MATTER WHAT.  Wow....now that is a hard pill to swallow---humility tastes bitter going down. 

 

Grace......oh what a beautiful word.  Sounds pretty doesn't it?  But oh, how painful it is to extend sometimes.  But I did it.  I welcomed her, I introduced her, I pushed down every prideful feeling until I felt I would explode.  But I didn't....I didn't explode.  My son, who would have been subjected to an uncomfortable "in the middle" situation had I made a different choice, blissfully got through the day.  It doesn't matter that she didn't deserve it---what one of us deserves grace?  We aren't going to be best friends.  She likely has no gratitude for the amount of work it took for me to extend grace to her this week.  But, these are the hard choices we have to make.  Putting God and our children before every prideful feeling.  Fulfilling our promises even when it's hard.....giving our children a gift they will never know we gave them. 

 

Please understand that I, in no way, claim to be an expert on the subject of grace.  I have failed a thousand times---maybe a million times.  But through the Lords' grace I am working on it.  And maybe this week, I got it right.