I'm "just a mom"

So, here's something that's been on my heart.  "Single Mom".  I've worn that label for years as both a scarlet letter and a badge of honor.  I have felt it hotly stamped upon my forehead as I volunteer in the church nursery and fumble to answer questions like "what does your husband do for a living?".  I have brandished it proudly as others applaud me for advancing my career, purchasing my own home and finishing school.  Like all labels it defines me in the most extreme of ways--either a woman to be overly ashamed of her past or overly proud of her current accomplishments. 

 

 But the truth?  Does the "single" adjective before the title of "mother" make me better, worse, harder working, lazier, more or less valuable than any other mom?  Of course not.  Would having a husband make parenting EASY? I'm sure all my married mom friends would join in on an a resounding "heck no".  The God's honest truth is that being single defines only one set of circumstances in a huge number of variables for moms. Does it present unique challenges?  You betcha, but so does caring for a child with special needs, parenting multiples, parenting on a low budget, parenting with a chronic illness and any number of other struggles that mamas encounter despite their marital status. 

 

We are not helpless, resource-sucking leaches who should apologize for the very fact that we are single moms.  But neither are we deserving of trophies and accolades for accomplishing the mundane tasks that married mothers are not recognized for.  We are dealing with a different set of circumstances and we have no way of measuring whether it is easier, harder or equal to the challenges that other moms are asked to meet. 

 

I like to fellowship with other single moms---they get it.  They understand concepts like litigation, financial struggles, and fears that are specific to our situations. But that does not mean that I can't relate to "coupled" moms.  On the most basic level, we all adore our children and want to provide the absolute best for them (emotionally, physical, spiritually)--to me, there is not one more fundamental thing to bond over. 

 

There are all types of good moms.  I'm on the PTA, I coach sports and teach sunday school, I have fancy birthday parties and invite the whole class. I work full time and carefully time by work schedules  (By the way there are PLENTY of good moms who do not do these things for a variety of reasons)  This is the way I choose to parent and although the logistics don't always work out the way this is the "type" of mom that I am..."single" is really just a sub-category.